? BEDFORD 0–6 OLD SOUTHENDIANS

The Old Boys travelled to Bedford looking to pick up three points, and despite one car seemingly thinking pushback was optional and arriving with just over 20 minutes to spare, the boys were ready for battle.

Joe Mann was already between the sticks, warming up by throwing himself around on the floor like he owed the pitch money. Thankfully, the rest of the squad arrived in time to avoid having to start with 10 men.

Once the whistle blew, the Old Boys wasted no time getting on the scoreboard. Will Malcolm opened his account with two goals from open play, leaving the Bedford defence wondering whether they’d actually marked him at all.

Ben then stepped up to convert a penalty flick, showing the composure of a man who’d clearly been practising his walk-up in the mirror. He followed it up with another goal to make it 4-0 at half-time. Bedford were having a long afternoon, and the Old Boys were only just getting started.

The second half saw Timmy “Tap-Ins” enter the chat, bagging two goals from open play to complete the scoring and take the game to 6-0. The nickname remains painfully accurate.

The Old Boys also won enough short corners to keep the injector busy for the rest of the weekend. Unfortunately, most of them went anywhere other than Ben, who was desperately hunting for another penalty flick. By the end, he was probably considering filing a formal complaint about the team for not giving him a shot for the top

The final whistle confirmed a 6-0 away win, a clean sheet for the defence and Joe, and six goals to celebrate on the journey home.

Goalscorers:

* Will Malcolm x2
* Ben x2
* Timmy x2

Man of the match: Will Malcom
Jacket of shame: Ben Cotton

A brilliant performance from the Old Boys. Six goals, zero conceded and three points in the bag.