Prelude Music - Kashmir by Led Zeppelin

Entrance of the Couple - The Bride is wearing an alternating blue and yellow squares design coupled with blue shorts. The Groom is dressed in a white shirt with black shorts. The wedding parties are dressed to match. The Groom’s side is notable for their 4 debutants and collective age averaging only 20.1 years. All members of the wedding party enter to the sound of Howard Shore’s “The Fighting Uruk-Hai”.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the union between a white plastic rock and nylon netting. Such a remarkable union is this that we shall witness the union a grand total of 15 times in the space of 70 mins. This union has been entered into willingly and legally, with both parties being of sound mind and body, but if anyone knows of any reason why these two shall not be wed, may they speak now, or forever hold their peace.

First Hymn - Terminator 2 Theme - Brad Fiedel

Upmister came out firing. But with energy in the legs (because we hadn’t played 5 mins yet) field goals eluded them. So only 2 penalty corners in the first ten minutes separated the two teams. Unfortunately, it took 2 goals for the 2XI to settle. We started to press, we started to sense the hope that we would hit back. As 1 Corinthians states, “Love is patient … always perseveres.” And persevered we did, waiting for the goal that brought us, as a part of this union, to this place.

After 25 minutes the floodgates started to open. Vows were shared between that bastard rock and nylon netting a further 3 times. Clearly Upmister were sick of playing bridesmaid, and took their chances with confidence and determination.

Half-Time - Something in the Way - Nirvana

Battered, bruised, confused, searching for the love that seemed lost. Motivation is hard to find in these times. But there were vows to be exchanged, a goal to be found, and pride to be earned.

Second Hymn - Grond - The Hammer of the Underworld - Howard Shore

“Fight, Fight for your lives!” We fought, we fought hard, so hard we could barely see, barely think. But when you search for the goal that makes it all seem worthwhile, sometimes you throw caution to the wind. We looked for every avenue that we could walk down in order to earn our moment with destiny. See it was us that were sick of playing the dutiful groomsmen. The ring was waiting at the altar, we just had to wait for our moment to claim it. We watched as 9 times we were left standing there. Witnesses to other people’s dates with destiny. Until our moment finally came …

Exchange of Vows - Dream is Collapsing - Hans Zimmer

None of us truly know when our time will come. Some search their whole lives for it, some have greatness thrust upon them. We all wish it will be us, but for one William Lord. It was his turn to say his vows. In the dying seconds of the celebrations, the 15th, final and greatest union took place. The union which by the laws of ‘last goal wins’ means that we emerged from this day the better. He earned his moment at the altar, said “I do!”, and sent that rock home; the moment every guest had been waiting for.

Exit of the Newlyweds - Reunion of Friends - John Williams

As we draw today’s celebrations to a close, allow us to share some abiding lessons from today:

• Last goal wins
• The 2XI have a new motto, “We Will Score”
• Calen may appear small but will easily foul 18 stone gentlemen.
• 3 games down, and it’s clear, we don’t deal in clean sheets. For either side.
• Equally, we are the cleanest team in the league. Asa is very happy at the top of the fairplay table.
• Batting Averages worth noting: Jack Stevenson - 0.004. Will Lord - 1.000

The couple thank you for attending, and may your own happiness find its way into your lives as well…