Spicy Spicy: The Podcast Nobody Asked For

After the match I sat in the clubhouse with Anna. She had curry, I had cake, and she summed up the entire afternoon with one perfect line.
“We absolutely brought our mongrel today.”
She was right.

Because when we are on the pitch we are Mad Max the black street dog.
Wild energy, tough as nails, ears up, full chaos.
But when we are off the pitch we like to believe we are Samantha the Afghan hound in the city.
Elegant, glossy coat, latte in hand, drifting through life like a Vogue spread.

Today was not Samantha.
Today was full Mad Max.

Derby day energy

Three of our five Ladies teams were facing Southend and Benfleet.
Warners Bridge felt electric.
Tension, noise, spice.
A proper derby day.

We stepped straight into it.

A brilliant start

We opened with exactly the hockey we have been working on.
Ros to Amelia
Amelia to me
Me across goal
Emily finishes
One nil

Minutes later
Emily again
Two nil
Clean, confident, clinical

Our defence worked incredibly hard all match.
Aimee, Ros, Emma, Poppy and Megan stepped early, communicated well and cleared danger again and again.
They did manage to get one in but our shape held steady.

S and B start their unofficial umpiring internship

At this point Southend and Benfleet became extremely enthusiastic about offering running feedback on every aspect of the match.
Every tackle
Every whistle
Every silence

Their goalkeeper provided a full audio commentary from inside her D.
We smiled politely and continued playing actual hockey.

Midfield engine

Anna owned the centre today.
Spreading the play wide
Switching direction
Opening the game up for us

Emily drove forward constantly.
Amelia and Lois created channels.
There was width, support and proper teamwork.
Some of the best link up play we have produced all season.

More goals

We kept going.
Amelia finished a lovely one
Jen fired an absolute beauty into the bottom corner from a short corner
Lois sent a lifted shot right into the roof
Alice added another from smart positioning

And somewhere in all that movement I scored too
But we will come back to that

The red card

Late in the second half the tension finally reached breaking point.

Emily was simply doing her job.
Right place
Right moment
Attacking as she should
Playing to the last second
Exactly where any forward should be

The goalkeeper did not appreciate that positioning.
Not even slightly.

There was a clash
A surge of frustration
A raised stick
Clear contact

John stepped in instantly
A straight red came out
No hesitation
No debate

The keeper then attempted to continue umpiring on the walk off which really summed up hers and her teams general vibe

With ninety seconds left Southend and Benfleet stopped the game themselves
Full time recorded at minute sixty eight

Bench, birthdays and post match

Max managed the bench to perfection. Calm, clear and steady all game.

Back in the clubhouse, Anna and I agreed it was some of our best hockey all season.
Real width
Real graft
Real mongrel energy

Simon Jackson then reminded us of the day years ago when a player in the fives got a red card, promised lifts to his teammates and then drove away without them
We hope today’s keeper did not do that

Teas

Ali’s slow cooker curry
Cameron’s birthday cakes
Five stars from everyone

The great mystery that is no longer a mystery

Somewhere just before the red card chaos I scored.
At least I thought I did.
The ball crossed a line
Players shouted
Play stopped
Play started
The keeper swung
A red card appeared
And suddenly my goal was lost in the storm

Naturally I did what any committed striker would do
I asked every single person in the building

“Does my goal stand”
“Do you think that counted”
“Sorry to interrupt but did I score or not”

Players shrugged
Spectators shrugged

Grace Jackson stood with her hands on her head saying
“I have absolutely no idea what I have just seen”

And then there were the umpires
John and Suzanne had just sat down with their teas when I hovered nearby like a polite but insistent investigator
“Sorry to ask again but does my goal stand”

After enough questions to qualify as a survey
Mystery solved

The goal counts
Official
Confirmed
On the record
A real goal
Not a ghost one

And my god did we have to wait for that confirmation

Final thoughts

Seven goals
One dramatic red card
Tireless defending
Beautiful link up play
Real mongrel energy
And one goal that needed half of Essex to verify

Next week we take the spice to Waltham Forest
Stay spicy spicy spicy
This is the podcast nobody asked for

Shireen