Spicy Spicy

Right, I’m going to say this once and then we’re moving on.

That was today’s game. It happened. We were there. Sue did everything she could. Aimee worked hard. We conceded five. We scored none. And that… is a complete and thorough analysis.

Because this episode was never about today.

Today’s conversation is with me. Just me.

Which feels appropriate, because if anyone has committed to this entire situation far beyond what was ever required… it’s been me.

And when you actually look back at it, this hasn’t just been a season. It’s been a full series. Proper episodes, recurring themes, unexpected plot lines, and characters developing over time. And at least one episode where a duck entered the pitch and still didn’t get Dick of the Day.

We started off relatively normal. There were match reports. There was structure. There was an attempt to be factual. That didn’t last.

Very quickly, we became a team of themes. Not subtle ones. Fully committed ones. Batman vs Bane still stands out. The Game of Threes is still under review. The Basildon episode reminded us that spelling matters. The rematch episode proved that something can definitely be about revenge, even when we say it isn’t.

And there were weeks where we decided the hockey itself was not the most interesting thing that had happened that day. Which, in many cases, was correct.

But the best part of this season has been the people.

Every week it’s been a conversation. With Emmeline, who just quietly gets on with it. With Macca, who said she was over it and then showed us she wasn’t. With teammates who don’t always say much but absolutely deliver.

And then there was the time we interviewed the umpires. Max included. Good umpiring, strong presence, and consistently memorable outfits. At some point, the outfits stopped being incidental and became part of the match report.

And then there’s the reports themselves, because I didn’t just write these, I committed.

They had structure, themes, callbacks, and actual continuity. At one point we were referencing earlier episodes like a proper series. Episode 7 came back in Episode 16. It all started to link together.

And, just to confirm, they were also available in visual, audio and concrete formats upon request. No one ever asked. Not once. But the offer stood.

On the pitch, we became a team with very specific habits.

One of them being that we score in the sixty-something minute. Not occasionally, repeatedly. It became part of the story. You could feel it building. Nothing, nothing, nothing… and then suddenly, minute sixty-something, goal.

We’ve had games that felt cinematic. Last-minute winners, comebacks that didn’t feel real, short corners that mattered, and moments where the run back to halfway felt just as important as the goal itself.

We’ve also had off-pitch storylines. Becky’s wedding plans unfolding across the season like a side plot. The Essex tour of teas being taken very seriously. And the Marlborough Head, which delivered on atmosphere and less so on pricing.

Ali deserves proper recognition.

Because clean sheets don’t just happen. They featured in the games where everything worked, where we looked solid, controlled, and difficult to break down. Multiple clean sheets across the season. And on the days where it wasn’t a clean sheet, she was still doing far more work than anyone would ideally like.

Jen has done exactly what you want from a captain. Led, organised, and scored some very strong goals. The kind where you don’t need to say much. It just goes in.

Ros has played everywhere. At this point, she’s less a player and more a solution.

Darcey has quietly done what Darcey does. Emily brings power and intent every time she steps forward.

Anna W has brought full Mad Max mongrel energy. No hesitation, no half measures, just straight into everything.

Poppy and Lexi have brought that slightly chaotic, cat-like energy. A bit cheeky, a bit unpredictable, and full of potential. You’re not entirely sure what they’re about to do… but you know it’s going to be something.

And this was also the first season in the threes for both Emily McCarthy and Amelia, which, based on their impact, feels like they’ve been here far longer.

And then there’s me.

This was my first season as a forward in over a decade. A natural progression, I think we can all agree. A decision that was very much my idea… and definitely not something that was slowly drip-fed over three months until it became my idea.

And of course, Shiremily part two, which has worked. But next season… Shiremily OG returns.

We’ve had proper life moments too.

Team babies. Emily P adding to the squad in a slightly different way.

And Aimee.

Strong first season. Fully part of it. But we cannot ignore her version of a black kit. Not wrong, just interpretive. Which led to Jen sending an email confirming she is one of ours and has not just arrived independently. Which, at the time, felt like a fair question.

The numbers are balanced.

We played 18. We won 9. We lost 9. Goal difference minus 2. 27 points. Fifth.

Right in that space where no one quite knows what they’re going to get from us.

And just to repeat it, because it deserves repeating… we are the only team to beat Braintree this season. Promoted. Top of the league. Very impressive. But not against us.

When you look at this team properly, we’ve got everything. Experience, youth, energy, intelligence, banter… and just enough chaos.

And we’ve improved. Not loudly, not dramatically, but properly.

So yes, today was five nil.

But that is not this season.

End of Season Stats 2025 to 26

League position fifth
Played 18
Won 9
Lost 9
Goal difference minus 2
Points 27

Top scorer under review
Most Player of the Match Ali
Clean sheets multiple and noted

Biggest flex only team to beat Braintree

And just like that, that’s the season.

Done.

And before I go… thank you.

Because the truth is, Jen never asked me to do this. Not once. I just did it.

And being your host this season has been my privilege.

Because even when we’ve lost… we’ve still laughed.

So now…

I’m off.

Something cold to drink… in somewhere hot.

We go again next season.

2026 to 27.

Over and out from the Ladies’ 3s.

This has been Spicy Spicy.

The podcast nobody asked for.
Shireen